Dealing with grief

Recently, I just lost my beloved niece at such a young age in an accident. Our family and I are still trying our very best to take this time to grieve and mourn. I currently feel so confused and lost. There are no other words to describe the tremendous pain we are feeling. Losing someone so close and dearest to us is absolutely the worst pain I can ever go through and would not wish this upon anyone’s family. The thing that breaks my heart the most is that, I won’t get to see her everyday and watch her little self grow up anymore. My niece had so much life ahead of her and it makes me so furious. I wish I’ve got to spend many more years with her, but I’m thankful for all of the memories she has given us while she was still here. She changed our lives in so many ways. There are some things you wish you can control, but can’t. Death is inevitable, but I know that death is definitely not the end. My niece has already given us some signs that her spirit is alive and well. Even though we can’t see her physically, she is always there spiritually. As long as I know that she’s okay with God, then I’ll be happy.

To every family out there that are going through a similar situation losing someone so young and precious to them,

Jesus says;

Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.

Mathew 19:14

We tend to blame ourselves, blame others, or even blame God for the losses that we go through in life. There is no one to blame, because God gives everyone free will. He doesn’t pick and choose who lives, dies, have misfortune, or good fortune but He allows everything to happen for a good reason. There’s always a good reason behind every story in life. You may not understand how life works sometimes, but you have to understand that this world is a temporary place full of people focusing on worldly things that don’t actually matter.

We usually wonder why “good” people are always taken away from us too soon and not the bad ones instead. The majority of the times it’s true. The good ones are taken away from us to perhaps learn how to appreciate them more while they’re around and not take advantage of them? And for the bad ones that are still given a chance to live, maybe God seeks potential in them to learn from their mistakes because He knows? So think about how we’re born and put in this sinful world. No one is ever going to be fully pure nor perfect from sin.

Whenever someone passes, don’t pretend that they were “perfect” because no one is. But the loving God forgives and cleanses our sins once we truly repent.

For young children with a life so unexpectedly short, it’s different. Young children are still too young to experience and understand life around them. They can indeed be very intelligent for such a young age, but are still learning what’s right from wrong in a way. God needed them for a purpose while shedding light and salvation. As tough as it is for me to ask myself or even anyone this, but would you rather want them to suffer in this cruel world or want them to have eternal life with God where they’re living in joy free from pain?

Jesus also says;

Assuredly, I say to you, unless you change and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.

Mathew 18:3

Sometimes life can give us an unexpected turn and you constantly wonder why life can be so unfair. The reality we live in is always full of everlasting pain, suffer, and torture on this earth. Of course there’s this cliché that pain is temporary which is true, because this earth isn’t our home and there’s always going to be a purpose and plan for our own good. But living with grief, I don’t think we ever fully recover from it depending on the traumatic experience. It definitely takes an amount of time to cope better. Life never gets any easier, but we do learn how to use our strengths to overcome any obstacles that come no matter how weak we feel at this moment.

Bad things tend to always happen whenever we least expect it. At first, you might think that life is finally coming together until life suddenly strikes you so hard all over again. You’re left feeling stuck, shaken, and speechless. I always tell myself that I’m definitely not feeling this way alone, and I have to use this as a way to motivate and push myself to live my life better.

Sometimes when people can’t stand the pain they’re going through—they turn to drugs, alcohol, self-harm, or attempt suicide. I’ve always felt like my life is worthless, meaningless, and that I didn’t deserve to live because I was tired of being disappointed in the end. But when I think about it, God put me here for a reason. Sure I didn’t ask to be here, but he put me here for a reason! My niece wouldn’t want to see me end my life and feel down forever. I have to live for her, for myself, and for my family. Before leaving this earth, I want to finish a quest and leave a legacy behind that’s not materialistic but from the heart and soul to remember.

Everyday someone is dealing with mental health issues, suicidal thoughts, a loss of loved one, heartbreak, and etc. No one should ever have to go through anything alone. I get that we want to give others some space at times, but there’s nothing wrong with checking them from time to time to get an idea of how they’re doing. It’s not always going to be easy for anyone to open up. I personally myself have a very hard time opening up to people, because I question myself if I’m really opening up to the right person or not but I can’t keep bottling everything up inside me. If I have no one to open up to, I write. Writing is the only way where I can freely express and communicate my emotions to let everything out. Writing helps me cope with the grief I’m going through. Of course I’m not here to write about personal details of my life, but I’m here to express myself through writing.

Some people can’t afford therapy or want to seek help. If you can’t do any of those options, then I highly advise you to write. Please write whether it’s in a blog online, journal, or even just a piece of paper. I promise that writing will change your life like how it did for me. Writing is a process, but you don’t need to be the best writer out there to become one when you first start. I understand that writing isn’t for everyone, but please give writing a chance. Writing itself is therapeutic and good for your mental health.

Mental health is very important and should not be a trend. When something is important, it should not be a trend where it only matters for a short period. Mental health is important at every cost and should be checked up frequently. Everyone deserves to feel like they’re loved and cared for by someone. Finding genuine people is sadly rare nowadays but if you can’t find one, then at least try to be one. Don’t go out of your way to fake kindness because it makes you look good though, do it because you genuinely care and want to do better.

Dealing with mental health alone especially while you’re grieving can make you feel lonely and empty inside. Sometimes people deal with grief differently when it comes to being alone or having company around. As much as I like to be alone, I personally don’t mind both as long as I’m taking my time to heal. This feels like a never ending process and a nightmare, but I know that it’s okay to not be okay.

In a world full of darkness and sorrow, there is always going to be light awaiting at the end of the tunnel. God is light. God is grace. God is love.

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